Last week, we opened our column by referencing Adam and Eve, and how the devil—disguising himself as a snake—deceived them and ultimately caused them to lose almost everything including their harmony and their home. Thousands of years have passed since that time, but the enemy of our covenants is still up to his same evil tricks.
Granted, he no longer looks like a snake, yet he is still a snake. He still creeps into homes and uses those things that go against God’s will for marriage to tear couples and families apart. He still makes forbidden things look appetizing. He still convinces husbands and wives that being disobedient to God’s commandments won’t kill them, and he still has couples shifting the blame and refusing to take full responsibility for their own destructive behavior.
The devil’s hatred of God-ordained marriages is still very real, and a key “fruit” that he uses as poison today is communication.
One of the first approaches in spiritual warfare within your marriage is to not allow your experiences to be biased and inaccurate. It means we must learn the proper way to communicate and give our spouse the compassion we would expect to receive when we think or feel they’ve said something that truly hasn’t been expressed or implied. This doesn’t mean we ignore reasonable issues; it means we must understand that there is a proper way and proper time to express our needs, feelings and concerns.
It may seem strange to speak of communication as having deliberate consequences in spiritual warfare… but think carefully about it. If an army doesn’t have clear communication, or the lines of communication are broken by enemy combatants, that army can easily fall target to the enemy’s attacks due to the lack of insight in the overall battle plan. It is very much the same in marriage.
Don’t allow the adversary (satan) to distort your communication or use your imagination against your marriage. Your expressions, your choice of words, the tone of your voice and your body language all impact communication with your spouse. The key factors of your strategy, beyond being mindful of the previously mentioned things, utterly require you to show mutual respect, trust, consideration, forgiveness and charity. Demons know the closer we are to someone, the less we tend to be protected internally and emotionally from them.
When our perceptions are twisted, it is because we’re analyzing whatever was said or done through some unaddressed internal pain rather than plausibly asking, what did my spouse intend? Marriage must be deeply rooted in truth. Instead of jumping to conclusions, get an understanding. That’s wisdom (Proverbs 4:7). What you feel is very likely relevant, but it may be unreliable. You cannot look at your spouse through the optical prism of your emotions, as all that does is provide the “snake” with the opportunity to destroy the marriage.
It is important that we set aside how we feel and look to the objective reality. Most spouses who do so will readily admit that they know, logically, that their spouse would never intend to hurt them. But once you allow the wound to happen, that pain will be the constant target of the snake.
In Genesis 3:1, the Word of God says, “…the snake was the shrewdest of all the wild animals the Lord God had made. One day he asked the woman, ‘Did God really say you must not eat the fruit from any of the trees in the garden?’”
Note that one of the first things the enemy did was make Eve question what God told had told her and Adam. If satan can plant doubt in our hearts, he’s halfway to his goal of making us lose it all. It’s up to us to stand strong in our faith and in united oneness.
We all have character flaws, but they don’t have to lead to our demise. Character flaws are our occasion for personal growth, to grow in grace, in charity and in God. Instead of letting your perception of your spouse be distorted by the snake, employ the prospect to improve in yourself the character of Christ and let those negative perceptions go!
The weapons we fight with are not of the world. Instead, they have Divine Power to demolish strongholds (2 Corinthians 10:4) that slither into the garden of marriage!
Drs. Michael & Kendra Holmes are the senior pastors of Deliverance Revival Church in Byron, Ga., the founders of Royalty Relationship Coaching, LLC, the authors of the 31-day devotional, “Cross-Fire: Igniting Passionate, Purposeful, and Powerful Relationships” and the founders of the faith-based newspaper, The Royal Trumpet. W.A.R. is an acronym for “We Are Royalty,” ™ the official slogan of Royalty Relationship Coaching, LLC. Visit the website at www.RoyaltyRelationshipCoaching.com.
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